The Supreme Court - the most supreme of all courts - has decided unanimously to provide free healthcare to any and all citizens of earth. The "individual mandate" portion of this legislation, too, has passed, which means that all citizens must obtain this healthcare or be penalized. Of course, there is no reason to reject this healthcare, for it is being freely given to all who are willing to receive it, but if someone chooses not to receive it, there will be a very severe penalty.
The need for such healthcare is abundantly clear, in light of a thorough analysis of the spiritual health of mankind. It has been discovered by the Most High Supreme Court that each and every person has a tumor - a malignant tumor that will result in spiritual death. This tumor, otherwise known as "the body of sin" (Rom. 6:6; Col. 2:11), MUST be removed so that spiritual death can be averted. Time is of the essence!
The only remedy for such a malignant disease is immediate surgery! God, the Head of this Most High Supreme Court, is the only Surgeon capable of performing this surgery, but the price is steep! It is so steep that no amount of money can pay the cost. The only acceptable price was the blood of His own perfect Son, Jesus Christ.
"knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things, like silver or gold...but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot" (1 Pet. 1:18-19).
The price has been paid! Jesus has shed His blood! And so, the offer for FREE healthcare has been issued by the Most High Supreme Court. The Master Surgeon is ready to operate. All men have this sin-tumor...and it will destroy your soul. So accept the healthcare and submit to the surgical operation before it's too late.
How do you receive this FREE healthcare? How do you submit to the surgery?
"In Him also ye are circumcised with the circumcision made without hands, in putting off the body of the sins of the flesh by the circumcision of Christ: buried with Him in baptism, wherein also ye are risen with Him through the faith of the operation of God, who hath raised him from the dead" (Col. 2:11-12).
You must, in fath, be immersed in water. In the water, God will remove this "body of sin" and you will rise up out of the water healed, having narrowly avoided spiritual death and eternal torment.
The Surgeon's hope is that you will take advantage of this unprecedented offer (2 Pet. 3:9). He does not want anyone perishing needlessly. But the Surgeon will not impose this operation on you if you refuse it; you must agree to the operation and "go under." Once healed, God demands that you submit to His prescribed "spiritual health" regimen that will keep this sin-tumor from returning (2 Tim. 3:16-17; 2 Jn. 9). He also asks that, once healed, you will tell as many others as possible about this FREE operation.
Reporting live, having just consulted with the document (the Bible) detailing this unbelievable yet controversial ruling from the Most High Supreme Court and the Surgeon, God, this is Casey Head, a reporter who is, to be honest, quite shocked at the lack of response to such an offer...