Proverbs 31:30

"Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)

Are looks important when choosing a mate? Is physical attraction important? Must we be concerned about the inner man only, or is it proper to be concerned about the outward appearance of our prospective mate?

Well, Solomon said back in Proverbs 5:18-19 that the man is to "rejoice with the wife of [his] youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love." When you read the Song of Solomon, it is clear that the young couple mentioned in the book are very attracted to one another. So no, it is not wrong to seek a mate that you are physically attracted to. In fact, it is, I believe, important to marry someone that you find attractive.

But at the same time, the wise man tells us in Proverbs 31:30 that physical attraction is deceitful and temporal, and that our primary concern should be a mate who fears the Lord. Is he telling us here that we shouldn't seek someone that we're attracted to? No. Really, Solomon is saying that we should not be concerned ONLY about the outward appearance of our spouse. The most important thing is that they're faithful to the Lord.

Too often, young people "fall in love" with people that they're attracted to, even though they're not devout Christians. They completely ignore this verse in Proverbs and base their love on "passing beauty." And when you base your love on something that is not going to last, then guess what...your love, and consequently, your marriage is not going to last. That's why it is so critical to marry someone who is faithful to the Lord.

Yes, it is important that you are physically attracted to your mate, but don't let that be your primary concern. Find someone who fears the Lord.