Common Discipline Mistakes

The theme this week will be "Raising Children God's Way." Each day, I will post a new article covering a different aspect of parenting (i.e. discipline, training, teaching, etc). For those of you who are parents, I hope that you especially benefit from this series of articles. If you disagree with anything that I write, please comment below.

I will admit to you that when I wrote the article yesterday on corporal punishment, I was a little rushed. It worked out alright, though, because my point in that article didn't require a lot of elaboration. Simply put, the Bible instructs parents to spank their children for the sole purpose of driving foolishness from them. In other words, parents are to teach their children right from wrong, and a part of that training process is discipline. According to Proverbs 13:24, if you love your children you will spank them.

Today, I'd like to overview some of the common mistakes committed by parents when disciplining their children. This is a valid issue to address for there are many parents who have unruly and disobedient children even though corporal punishment is executed. In other words, it is not necessarily true that all "spanked" children are well-behaved children. The reason here is that many parents do not disipline their children properly, and I would suggest to you that improperly disciplined children can be worse than undisciplined children!

So let's review some common discipline mistakes...

1. One of the most pressing problems is inconsistency. Many parents discipline and even spank their children, but they do not punish the transgression every time it is committed. Today, little Johnny may be disciplined for lying, but tomorrow it is overlooked. Today, little Sally may be disciplined for hitting her brother, but tomorrow she is only warned. This causes children to be confused, and the confusion eventually turns into disobedience. If a child knows that he can get away with something six out of ten times, he will do it. Yes, this DOES mean that, as parents, we have to be persistent and yes, this requires a lot of work, but really, it will make your life a whole lot easier in the long run. Consistent discipline will lead to better behaved children who don't have to be spanked as often. So parents, be consistent!
2. Another problem is what I call sissy spanking. All too often, I see parents walk over to their disobedient child and softly tap the back of their hand or their bottom (which is cushioned with a padded diaper and pants). There is no pain. There is no crying. The child may sometimes pitch a fit because he knows he is being disciplined, but it is only for show, for the child immediately returns to the forbidden act as soon as the parent walks away. Folks, if you're going to spank your children, let it mean something. Get the message across. Yes, your child will cry out because of the pain, but let us not forget the words of Solomon in Proverbs 19:18: "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying." Think about it, if your child is weighing the pros and cons of disobedience and the only con is a light tap on the behind that tickles more than it hurts, what is he going to do? But if he knows that disobedience will yield pain, he is less likely to give into the temptation.
3. One of the biggest problems that I see among parents is that their discipline is motivated by anger when it should be motivated by love. I'm sure you've seen the following scenario play out before. "Johnny, please stop that...Johnny, I said stop it," the mother's voice begins to rise as does her temper. "Son, I'm not going to tell you again...Johnny, do you want a spanking?" Now the mother is really getting angry, but she is in the middle of something and doesn't want to take the time to discipline her son. "Johnny, I'm going to count to three, you better stop it. ONE....TWO....TWO AND A HALF...Johnny, please don't make mommy spank you...JOHNNY!" By this time, the mother has lost her temper as she rushes over to her son spanks him and throws him in his room. The child learns that he can get away with something for quite a while before incurring the wrath of his parents, and he learns that it's okay to lose his temper. Usually, parents who discipline this way are also guilty of inconsistency. The Bible says in Proverbs 13:24 that corporal punishment is to be motivated by love, and in the previous scenario, the motivation was not love but rage. So here's what you need to do. If you're child disobeys you, don't waste any time. Call him over to you and patiently explain to him what he did. "Son, you know better than to hit your sister. Daddy's going to have to give you a spanking now." Turn him over your knee, calmly pull down his pants and spank him. Occasionally remind them that you're spanking them because you love them and you want them to be a good boy/girl. If you discipline your children this way, you will see a tremendous change in them.
4. Finally, many parents do not discipline in public. They will spank their children at home, but not at church or not at the store. As a parent, I can understand this. We don't want to cause a scene. We don't want someone to call CPS...and I agree that we've got to be careful when we're in public. But there are ways to discipline them without causing a scene. First of all, effective discipline begins at home. Don't expect your children to behave in public if they don't behave at home. Second, find ways to discipline them in public. Maybe it is that you have to take them away from the public's eye. Go to the car. Go outside. Go to the bathroom. Or, instead of spanking them (which DOES cause a scene), pinch them. Now, I know that to some that sounds mean, but a light pinch will cause enough pain to get the point across. I've known many parents who use this method and it works beautifully. I might suggest that you pinch yourself to see how it feels before you do it to your kids. Whatever method you use, the point is this: your children need to know that if they misbehave in public, they will be promptly disciplined.

Certainly, more could be said here, but I'm convinced that if you follow these simple steps and avoid these four discipline mistakes, that you will see a tremendous change in the way your children act. It may take time, but don't relent. In the end, it will improve your relationship with your children and they will ultimately thank you for it.