Tying Up Loose Ends

The theme this week will be "Raising Children God's Way." Each day, I will post a new article covering a different aspect of parenting (i.e. discipline, training, teaching, etc). For those of you who are parents, I hope that you especially benefit from this series of articles. If you disagree with anything that I write, please comment below.

This is going to be the last installment in my series of articles on "Raising Children God's Way." In this article, I'd like to discuss a variety of points that I either forgot to mention to the previous four articles, or couldn't fit in. You might say that I'm tying up loose ends.

1. First of all, we need to discuss the importance of positive reinforcement. While it is essential that we discipline our children, it is equally important that we encourage them. If all we ever do is discipline and chastise them, they're going to feel overwhelmed. They may even begin to resent you, the parent. After we discipline them, it is important that we show them love. Usually, they will come to you (especially when they are younger) for consolation after you've disciplined them, but if they don't, you need to go to them and remind them that you love them very much. Also, it is crucial that you praise your children when they do something right. Give them verbal praise, and reward them when they do good. This way, they will behave properly not to evade discipline, but to please you, and that is ultimately what you want. As they grow older, their motivation for obeying you should be that they love you and want to please you.
2. What are your priorities when it comes to your children? What do you stress to them as important? In our society, we tend to be overly focused on financial prosperity and this often affects how we raise our kids. Instead of teaching our kids that faithfulness to God is the most important thing, we focus more on how well they do in school, what their college plans are and what they want to do with their lives. Don't get me wrong, I believe we ought to encourage our children to do their best in school (Col. 3:23), and as parents, we may even stress to our children (especially our sons) the value of a college education, but there comes a point where we stress financial success more than spiritual success...and that's what we have to guard against. Doesn't Jesus tell us that if we serve Him, we will be taken care of...our physical needs will be met (Mt. 6:25-33)? It's not like if our kids don't go to college that they're going to end up on the streets, or that they're going to die of starvation. No, if we teach them the principles of God's word and they obey it, they will be just fine. So here's the question that all of you parents need to consider: What do your kids feel you are stressing the most, spiritual or physical prosperity?
3. Keep the lines of communication open. Your kids need to know that they can come to you with anything and it's your job as a parent to take charge when it comes to communication. There are two ways that parents can go about this (and they're not both right): the first way is to demand that your kids tell you everything, to snoop through their diaries and journals and treat them like ax-murderers when they do something wrong); the second way is to lovingly nurture them from the beginning, to spend quality time with them, to show interest early on, to be not a STRICT, harsh disciplinarian, but a loving guide and counselor who balances his discipline with encouragement and understanding. I guess you can tell which path I think parents ought to take. Kids are going to make mistakes, and sometimes they're really going to mess up bad...and yes, you ought to punish them when they rebel and disobey, but there is a difference between outright disobedience and immaturity, or simply making a mistake. As a parent, you need to see the difference. If they mess up, be there to advise them. Be a shoulder to cry on. After all, isn't that what you'd expect from your loved ones if you made a mistake?
4. Have a no tolerance policy when it comes to lying. You need to be able to trust your kids. So from the beginning, you need to punish dishonesty every time. Never let it slide. One of the six things that the Lord hates is "a lying tongue" (Prov. 6:16-17). Tell your children that if they disobey, they will be punished, but if they lie about it, they will receive double punishment. Also, reward them when they do tell the truth (this goes back to the point on positive reinforcement). And even though you need to punish dishonesty, don't come across as overly suspicious and paranoid. If your kids are being honest, yet they feel that you don't trust them, it will only create bitterness...and in the end, they may decide that it's not worth it to be honest if you're not going to trust them anyways.
5. One of my pet-peeves is when Christians let their kids participate in secular activities that conflict with church services. We let them miss church services for things that we would never let them miss school for. That's backwards, isn't it? I mean, what are we teaching our kids when we miss church services for a football game or a play? Are we not teaching them that the football game or the play is more important than assembling with the saints to study God's word? If your children want to join the team, that's fine, but make it contingent on them being at all the church services. If they are going to get a part-time job somewhere, they need to tell their boss up-front that they will not work during the times that conflict with church services. If that causes them to lose the job, fine. Our kids need to see that sacrifices must be made for the Lord, and that the church assembly is very, very important (Heb. 10:24-25).

I know that there are other things that I'm forgetting to mention, but this ought to do for now.

I hope that you've benefitted from this series of articles. If you have any questions, comments or disagreements, please enter them below. I'd love to hear from you!